Growing up, my value system was unknowingly ruled by 3 main things, 3 ways I managed life in order to know that I was OK.
Achievement. I was a hard worker, not for the sake of hard work or because I valued excellence really, but because I valued being thought well of. I was driven by reputation.
Relationship. I felt good about myself because of who my friends were. And I was a good and caring friend – sometimes at the expense of my own needs, and in spite of my better judgment. I was a good and caring friend so that people would like me. Because I needed them to be my friend, I needed them to like me.
Responsibility. As the oldest child in a broken home, I felt responsible for others, aware that the younger ones were watching, that I was expected to be a good influence. I was always aware of my responsibility. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I see that I thought I could overcome the hurt and pain and unpredictability in our family for myself and my siblings, by the power of my own responsibility and reliability. When I went off to college and left this role, predictably I went a little wild.
This was my value system, my way of managing life and being OK: Reputation, Relationship and Responsibility (and I was much better at being responsible for others than I was for myself.) That is how I was OK in the world.
Then, halfway through college, I met Jesus. I fell head over heels in love with Him, He filled up empty spaces I didn’t even know I had.
For years, this is how I shared my story: Before Jesus, I found safety, security, LIFE in relationships & reputation. But then I met Jesus and learned to find safety, security, life in Him.
I had been a Christian and telling this story for over 10 years before I realized it was a lie. Read more