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When You Don’t Have What it Takes {A Devotional on the Feeding of the 5,000}

I’ve been afraid of not having what it takes as long as I can remember.

As a child I was desperately afraid of failure, of trying out for something and not making it, of being told “you’re not good enough.”

In a world where girls tell everyone who their crush is, hoping it will get back to him, I never told anyone who I liked. Because the idea of anyone knowing I liked someone who didn’t like me back felt like the end of the world to me.

In college I finally got brave enough to apply for things I wanted to do, but I never told anyone (so if I didn’t get it, no one would know I wanted it.)

In my twenties I missed (or nearly missed) job opportunities because I waited to be asked. I assumed that my desire to be included was understood by everyone, desperately afraid to communicate what I wanted for fear of not being chosen, being told I wasn’t good enough.

Even to this day I wonder if there are dreams, opportunities, hopes I won’t even admit to myself because of this fear of being told no, or WORSE, trying and failing, finding out once and for all that I don’t have what it takes.

It’s so much easier to stick with sure things, never admit what I want or need, never take on more than I can handle.

Do you relate?

I am helping lead a Bible study this Fall for a precious community of women who are studying the table scenes in the book of Luke, looking at the way Jesus treated and interacted with people. Our study is called “The Radical Hospitality of Jesus”, and I’m learning more every week how much more radical Jesus was than I ever realized.

 

Learning about the radical hospitality of Jesus is stretching my boundaries, stretching my understanding of God, pushing against my ideas about who is in and who is out. The radical hospitality of Jesus is making me uncomfortable.

Sometimes as Christians we can fool ourselves into thinking following Jesus is all rainbows and unicorns, that it will happen naturally, when we do what is most comfortable to us.

But when we look at the life of Christ in Scripture, we see a path we may not even want to follow, and that I certainly don’t feel equipped to follow.

 RADICAL Hospitality.

I see Jesus welcoming outsiders and social outcasts and I am overwhelmed. I can’t even manage to make time for my neighbors.

Jesus crossed political and economic and social boundaries and I can’t even handle following my crazy relatives on Facebook.

I do not actually have what it takes to practice the radical hospitality of Jesus.

Which is not a surprise to God AT ALL. He knows that sometimes the Radical Hospitality of Jesus will require more than we have to give.

Our passage this week is like a breath of fresh air.

Jesus took them away, off by themselves, near the town called Bethsaida. But the crowds got wind of it and followed. Jesus graciously welcomed them and talked to them about the kingdom of God. Those who needed healing, he healed.

As the day declined, the Twelve said, “Dismiss the crowd so they can go to the farms or villages around here and get a room for the night and a bite to eat. We’re out in the middle of nowhere.”

“You feed them,” Jesus said.

They said, “We couldn’t scrape up more than five loaves of bread and a couple of fish—unless, of course, you want us to go to town ourselves and buy food for everybody.” (There were more than five thousand people in the crowd.)

But he went ahead and directed his disciples, “Sit them down in groups of about fifty.” They did what he said, and soon had everyone seated. He took the five loaves and two fish, lifted his face to heaven in prayer, blessed, broke, and gave the bread and fish to the disciples to hand out to the crowd. After the people had all eaten their fill, twelve baskets of leftovers were gathered up. (Luke 9:11-17)

Of the 8 table scenes we’re discussing in our study, this is the only one where Jesus is actually the host. He’s welcoming the crowd, and ultimately He provides for them. But He invited the disciples to participate with Him in welcoming and providing.

Jesus is inviting them into the life of dependence that offers God our human not-enough, offers what we have to God with thanks and prayer, and sees Him bless, break and give.

I believe this miracle, this sign can be a way of life for us as well. A life of dependence on the Father that offers our not-enough and sees Him make it more than enough.

I don’t think God is calling us to live limitless, boundary-less lives. We have to say no, and we have to recognize our humanity. He is God, we are NOT. If I am the answer, then He’s not, and that is a problem.

On the other hand, I tend to look at what God is calling me to through the lens of my own resources.

Forget about big miraculous callings, just simple life and motherhood and being a wife and friend and person in this hurting world is more than my resources can take.

I don’t have the wisdom, I don’t have the energy, I don’t have the patience, I don’t have what it takes to be who God has called me to be in the world. I don’t have what it takes to practice the radical hospitality of Jesus.

 

Which is not a surprise to God AT ALL. He knows that sometimes the Radical Hospitality of Jesus will require more than we have to give.

BUT.

What if I do what the disciples do in this story: What if I offer God my not enough?

My not enough wisdom, my not enough strength, my not enough time, my not enough love?

What if I give Him my fear – fear of what others will think, fear of rejection, fear of failure? What if I give Him my fear of not having what it takes?

What if I offer Jesus just what I have, my own self. What if I offer what I have in prayer, lifting my eyes to Him, and let Him bless and break and give me out.

What if He can take my not enough and make it more than enough?

 

When You Don't Have What It Takes Insta Quote

Posted on by Renee Meyer

I Will Be Satisfied.

In India this summer, I loved getting to meet people from various religions and learn what they believe and how that faith affects their lives. But I also loved and was greatly impacted by watching and learning from my Indian brothers and sisters, believers in Jesus.

One Sunday evening we had the opportunity to visit a small home-church gathering. This handful of  Indian Christians meet in an apartment in a part of town where very few Christians live, to sing, and pray and study the Bible together each week. It was beautiful.

A young man with a guitar led our singing, interrupting the songs periodically to pray. He thanked the Lord for His presence. For their American guests. For the gift of meeting together. For God’s Word and wisdom and guidance. For His goodness.

As he prayed and sang, this young man would periodically pause and say, Read more

Posted on by Renee Meyer

You are Invited.

As a young believer learning to share her God story, I was taught to describe the process of entering relationship with God as “inviting Jesus into my life.”

As a more mature believer teaching Sunday School and VBS, I’ve used the words, “Ask Jesus into your heart.”

Over these years of wanting more of God, asking Him to break out of what I think of Him and show me where my God view doesn’t match up with who He is in the Bible and reality, I’ve moved away from talking about relationship with God in this way.

I’m not sure I have a great suggestion for replacement words, but I have enough of an issue with the concept of inviting Jesus into my life/heart that I won’t use this wording with my own kids.

Because “I invited Jesus into my life” makes it sound like I initiated the relationship. It can fool me into thinking I made the first move. And however you want to describe the beginning of your relationship with Jesus, God went first.

We see this throughout the pages of Scripture: In the beginning, God… (Genesis 1:1)

This is the story for countless Old Testament Hebrews, some God-seekers like Abraham and Job, others running from God like Jonah and Jacob. Their stories begin  “Now the Lord said to Abram…” And “The Word of the Lord came to Jonah…”

It is no different in the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ life, where fishermen and tax collectors are minding their own business, doing their day jobs, and Jesus walks up and says, “Follow Me.”

I’m studying the story of Levi/Matthew’s calling this week, and I’ve been captivated by the first line:

After that He went out and noticed a tax collector named Levi sitting in the tax booth, and He said to him, “Follow Me.” Luke 5:27

He noticed a tax collector named Levi…

I spent years of my single life hoping to be noticed, longing to be chosen. I spend many of my hidden days, those family days no one sees, still longing to be noticed, wondering if what I do matters.

What does it mean to you that Jesus notices?

He noticed a tax collector named Levi…and He said to Him, ‘Follow Me.'”

The Message paraphrases “follow Me” as “Come along with Me.” Jesus’ notice is not limited to the Spiritual Elite. His attention is not reserved for those who’ve proven themselves, earned His favor.

Jesus’ invitation to live life with Him is given here to the tax collector. The rejected, the despised, the not-good-enough. The outsider.

What does it mean to you that Jesus’ notice of you is not something to be afraid of? That He’s not going to notice you and then find you not good enough?

Levi responds to Jesus’ invitation with a big YES: He walks away from his dishonest livelihood, his identity and his shame, and goes where Jesus goes.

And then Levi throws a big party for Jesus, and invites all his tax collector friends.

This is what we church people want from new believers, right? This is the perfect success story, something we could show  and celebrate on a Sunday morning video, a sinner who walks away from his sin, and introduces Jesus to all of His friends.

For all our strategies and programs, this process is usually a lot longer. It can take new believers years to turn away from their livelihood, identity and shame. And it can take even longer years before people learn (usually through some sort of “training”) how to share Jesus with their friends.

Maybe times have just changed. Maybe that’s just life, and it takes longer sometimes, and that is fine.

Or maybe it takes longer because we see ourselves as the ones inviting Jesus.

We don’t see Him noticing us. Choosing us. Welcoming us even as He knows our sin and shame. Inviting us into life with Him not in spite of these things, but because of His great love.

What does it mean to you that Jesus invites you, just as He invited Levi?

Does it change how you think of God to realize that He initiated relationship with you, that He always goes first?

He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world… Ephesians 1:4

You Are Invited IG

 

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On Knowing When to Speak and When to Be Silent

I have a voice.

Sometimes it can be loud, and I hate being shushed. My voice is one of the things that makes me feel like I am too much for people. Being loud makes me feel like I’m not feminine or soft or “Christian womanly” enough.

I have a voice.

Because of my life, job, different opportunities and even my (sometimes too loud for people) personality, people listen to me.

I have a voice, and I am not afraid to use it.

I want to speak up for the oppressed. I want to draw out the silenced. I want to encourage the discouraged, speak truth into lies, speak life and value over myself, my family, those close to me, and anyone who crosses my path.

I have a voice.

But sometimes I feel silenced. It can feel like a woman has to speak louder than is socially acceptable in order to be heard, and I don’t want to be “that woman.” It feels like my little words have no impact on the lies and fighting and noise in the world. Even in prayer, it can feel like what I want, what I’m asking God to do in my life and in this hurting and broken world, are just words thrown to the wind.

Faith is a necessary element to Christianity. But faith in what? I want to grow in faith that God hears me.

And as I grow in certainty that He hears me, I want to grow in claiming Him as my first audience. I want to go first  to Him with my fears, concerns, joys, and worries. Before I let something rattle around in my head for days and weeks, before I pour out complaints and fears to a friend, before I share a praise or celebration online, I want God to hear my voice.

Give ear to my words, O Lord, Consider my groaning.
Heed the sound of my cry for help, my King and my God, For to You I pray.
In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice;
In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch.

Psalm 5: 1-3 (NASB)

In a world that is loud, how do we practice silence? How do we avoid contributing to the noise and strife and outrage-fueled peaceless-ness?

In a world that silences us, how do we learn to speak up? To claim our right to consent, own our own preferences, opinions, feelings? How do we claim our right to speak in a world that doesn’t want to hear our voice?

Perhaps this is a purpose for prayer, a reason why we pray.

Not to get what we want, not for answers, but to teach us.

Perhaps prayer is a place where we can practice believing we are heard.

Perhaps if I submit my voice to God first, I will gain confidence in being heard, valued, loved by my heavenly Father.

And perhaps then I will learn when to speak, and when to be silent.

I love the Lord, because He hears My voice and my supplications.
Because He has inclined His ear to me, Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.

Psalm 116:1-2 (NASB)

When to Speak, When to be Silent quote (1)

Photo in my images is by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash

Posted on by Renee Meyer

There’s a Wideness in God’s Mercy I Can Not Find In My Own… (A song for your Saturday, and mine.)

There’s a wideness in God’s mercy 
I cannot find in my own 
And He keeps His fire burning 
To melt this heart of stone 
Keeps me aching with a yearning 
Keeps me glad to have been caught 
In the reckless raging fury 
That they call the love of God 

Now I’ve seen no band of angels 
But I’ve heard the soldiers’ songs 
Love hangs over them like a banner 
Love within them leads them on 
To the battle on the journey 
And it’s never gonna stop 
Ever widening their mercies 
And the fury of His love 

Oh the love of God 
And oh, the love of God 
The love of God 

Joy and sorrow are this ocean 
And in their every ebb and flow 
Now the Lord a door has opened 
That all Hell could never close 
Here I’m tested and made worthy 
Tossed about but lifted up 
In the reckless raging fury 
That they call the love of God

– Rich Mullins (my favorite poet and songwriter)

 

If you’d like to hear it as a song, you can listen here, or watch him sing here (and talk about how this isn’t his favorite song, but I sure love it anyway).

Posted on by Renee Meyer · 1 Comment

Free Bible Study Goodness

Popping in with a little bloggy business for you today. I wanted you to notice I have a new link up there ^^^ on my blog menu. See that? Where it says FREE BIBLE STUDIES AND RESOURCES?

FREE?

Why yes.

I’ve been writing Bible studies for over 10 years for my local church, through my role in the college ministry and women’s ministry. It is one of the joys of my chosen vocation.

And it is a never ending delight to my heart to get my studies into the hands of other churches and ministries. I’ve been asked for copies many times over the years, to be used by churches and groups in other towns, states, and even around the world. It makes me so happy!

 

One of the projects I am working on this summer is getting everything I’ve written ready to share here on the blog, so they will be more easily accessible. (Up until now, people have to email me and ask, then I send them a PDF of what I used, with all the dates and information from when I taught the study – so I’m cleaning all that up!)

Check back regularly and see what I have for you.

Or (even better!)  sign up for my email list, and I’ll let you know when I’ve added new resources!

Right now, there’s just one study on there and ready to be downloaded (free!): a 12 week study on the Sermon on the Mount, which has been one of the most impacting and challenging studies I’ve ever participated in. I’ve done it with a group of 20 or so college students, adapted it for all 200 in our college small group Bible study, and taught it as part of a Bible study with 40 women through our Tuesday morning Bible study. It is good stuff, if for sure the hardest Bible study for me to write (not because it is hard to understand, but it is super challenging to live.)

Coming soon:

Living on the Rock: Finding Security in an Insecure World (A 12 week Bible study on the character of God, focused on moving beyond just knowing the truth to applying and living in it day by day.)

The Call of Jesus: Making Room to Hear and Respond to Jesus In Our Busy Lives (An 8 week Bible study organized around different invitations Jesus made: Follow Me, Come to Me, Abide in Me, and more.)

Teach Us to Pray (An 8 week study of the Lord’s Prayer. In this topical study, each week focuses on one phrase of the prayer Jesus taught His disciples to pray.)

And more…

Bible Study Goodness

 

Posted on by Renee Meyer

Psalm 22: Abandoned and Rejected (is not the end of the story.)

Last year our college ministry spent the summer in the Psalms, and our staff directional team took turns writing devotionals for each Psalm that we covered. While I am on vacation this summer, I thought I’d share some of the devotionals I wrote. This one is on  Psalm 22, which you can read here.

As someone who remained single until her mid-30s while living in a college ministry world of people who often married at 22, I developed a lot of wedding pet peeves. There’s a wide world of stupid things commonly said to single people of a certain age at weddings: “When is it going to be your turn?” “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride!” and my favorite, “How come you’re not married?” I was always tempted to pretend to start crying and say, ”I guess no one wants me!” (I am not brave enough for that – I just went with the awkward smile and shrug.)

Thoughtless comments are annoying, but what was communicated in wedding ceremonies themselves sometimes (unintentionally) hurt more: Stories of answered prayer, thanksgiving for God’s faithfulness, the idea that this bride and groom were receiving God’s greatest blessing because “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Sitting in wedding after wedding as a single woman who had long prayed and trusted God with her singleness, and who deeply longed for marriage and motherhood, all of that “glory to God” felt like salt in a wound. It made me cry out in my heart, “WHAT ABOUT ME?”

The memory of that pain gives me a tiny glimpse into the bitter lament that opens Psalm 22, a raw cry of pain. Read more

Posted on by Renee Meyer

Saturdays are for Reading

Falling Free by Shannan MartinAs usual I am in the middle of multiple books. First up is Falling Free by Shannan Martin. I was in the middle of another book, but realized 4 days before it was due that someone else had requested this one, so I have to give it back (and the Lincoln Library only has one copy…)

I’m about halfway through, and I am LOVING it. This book has been hovering at the edges of my TBR for months, I wish I’d picked it up before now.

And I’m thinking I might have to buy a copy to keep. But the Kindle version has been on sale at least once in the last month, so I’m going to try to wait and see if it goes on sale again. But this is a book that is begging to be highlighted and written in.

A beautifully written spiritual memoir, Shannan’s story is gentle and encouraging while also packing quite a punch:

We so often say we believe that there is no safer place than the center of God’s will, but we refuse to believe He would ever lead us to places o brokenness or danger.

Afflicted with relentless humanity, we view the world with person-eyes, then project what we see onto the flawless creator of the universe, assuming he operates as we do. We trick ourselves into thinking God is just a holier version of us – our brain, our worldview, none of the sinfulness. We forget that while we bear his image and harbor all his love, we can’t comprehend the scope of eternal reality from our anthill vantage point. We say we trust God’s will but feel so much better if we run ahead of him with our dustpan and broom, doing what we can to eliminate pain and minimize risk. (Shannan Martin, Falling Free)

 

Once I’m done with Falling Free, I’ll go back to Faithful Presence: Seven Disciplines that Shape the Church for Mission. I’m reading this one for work/ministry and so far, it’s the best book I’ve read about living on mission (and I’ve read a lot): It focuses less on the mission and more on the presence of God. Because God’s mission is to spread awareness of His presence here on earth, and it’s about Him, not us. So good.

When Breath Becomes Air has been on my TBR for nearly a year, and I finally picked it up. I have so many questions: How is a neurosurgeon such a breathtakingly good writer?? Why are we so heavily invested in avoiding the truth that physical death is inevitable, how we all will end? And how can a book about death (you know at the outset that the author is already gone) be so hopeful and life-affirming?

When I finish these, have a whole stack lined up for summer reading.

Since I enjoyed Deidra Rigg’s ONE: Unity in a Divided World so much, I want to read her first book, Every Little Thing (which is sitting and waiting on my shelf.)

I’ve also requested a stack of fiction from the library. I’m DYING to read The Hate U Give, but I’ve been inching up the hold list for months. I am a little irritated that the Lincoln Library only has a few copies of such a buzzed about YA novel.

I just got a notice that Lady Cop Makes Trouble  is waiting for me. Isn’t that a great title? It’s the sequel to Girl Waits with Gun, which was the first book I read this year and which I quite enjoyed. These  fictional stories are based on what is known about the first female police detective in the US, I think the titles might both be from actual newspaper headlines in the early 1900s.

I’m waiting on a couple of other YA novels that look like great poolside reads:

One of Us is Lying, which is labeled as “Pretty Little Liars meets The Breakfast Club.” This mystery might end up being too intense for me, but they had me at Breakfast Club.

And my first pick from Modern Mrs. Darcy’s Summer Reading Guide:  When Dimple Met Rishi is a frothy looking YA romance about Indian-American teenagers who are set up to be in an arranged marriage – only one of them knows about the arrangement, and the other does not. It sounds delightful, but I’ve got quite a bit of teen romance going on right in my own house, so we’ll see if I can take it in my fiction too.

What are you reading right now? And what are you looking forward to reading this summer?

What I'm Reading Right Now

Posted on by Renee Meyer

What’s working for me (June 2017)

Do you make New Year’s Resolutions?

They get a bad rap, but I love resolutions. New Year’s Eve is often the hardest day of the year for me, but I LOVE New Year’s Day. I love the idea of a fresh start, a new beginning. I like goals, I like lists, I like personal growth.

Over the years of making resolutions I’ve learned a few things about myself:

  • I like the process of making goals a LOT more than I like the daily process of making decisions in order to meet my goals. It helps me to think in terms of habits rather than resolutions.
  • I like giant elaborate plans, and I don’t tend to do anything unless I can do it big. But change happens when you make small deposits over a long period of time. So rather than falling in love with my big plans, I need to think about the small daily habits I want to commit to.

Because of this, I’ve changed the way I think about goals and resolutions. I used to work through an elaborate goal setting activity (which I still love, but it’s just not where I am anymore.) This year I thought through my goals and habits along the framework of what is working for me and what is not working for me.

Since we’re halfway through the year today, it’s a good time to take stock and ask myself again:

What’s working for me?

Read more

Posted on by Renee Meyer

Saturdays are for Sunshine

Thank you Jesus for…

Sunshine and quiet mornings and back porches and Nebraska in the Springtime

Your nearness during a long day of anxiety producing medical tests, and a clean bill of health and medical insurance and good health care.

Little boy bodies that still fit on this Mama’s lap, boys who start every day with hugs and kisses and knowing they are loved (filling my heart with love in the process.)

A new day, new mercies, new life.

Why I Wake Early by Mary Oliver

Hello, sun in my face.

Hello, you who make the morning

And spread it over the fields

And into the faces of the tulips

And the nodding morning glories,

And into the windows of, even, the

Miserable and the crotchety-

Best preacher that ever was,

Dear star, that just happens

To be where you are in the universe

To keep us from every-darkness,

To ease us with warm touching

To hold us in the great hands of light-

Good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day

In happiness, in kindness.